Unit 12A - A Fundamental Technique in Handling People
A Fundamental Technique in Handling People
Dale Carnegie
B. F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. Criticism is usually futile because it puts a person on the defensive and makes him strive to justify himself. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes. Criticism is also often dangerous because it wounds a person's pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment.
On the morning of April 15, 1865, as Abraham Lincoln lay dying, Secretary of War Stanton said, "There lies the most perfect ruler of men that the world has ever known."
What was the secret of Lincoln's success in dealing with people? I studied his life for ten years. I believe I have made as detailed and exhaustive a study of his personality and home life as it is possible for any being to make. I made a special study of Lincoln's method of dealing with people. Did he indulge in criticism? Oh, yes. As a young man in Indiana, he often wrote letters and poems ridiculing people. Even after he had become a practicing lawyer in Illinois, he still attacked his opponents openly in letters published in the newspapers. But he did this just once too often. In 1842, he ridiculed a vain politician by the name of James Shields in a letter published in the local journal. The town roared with laughter. Shields, sensitive and proud, boiled with indignation. He found out who wrote the letter, leaped on his horse, started after Lincoln and challenged him to fight a duel. Lincoln was given the choice of weapons. Since he had very long arms, he chose cavalry broadswords and took lessons from a West Point graduate; and on the appointed day, they met on a sandbar in the Mississippi River, prepared to fight to the death; but luckily at the last minute, their seconds interrupted and stopped the duel.
But this taught Lincoln an invaluable lesson. Never again did he write an insulting letter. Never again did he ridicule anyone.
Time after time, during the Civil War, Lincoln put a new general at the head of the Army of the Potomac, and each one in turn blundered tragically and drove Lincoln to pacing the floor in despair. Half the nation savagely condemned these incompetent generals, but Lincoln, "with malice toward none, with charity for all," held his peace. One of his favorite quotations was "Judge not, that ye be not judged."
Yet if any man ever had occasion to criticize, surely it was Lincoln. Let's take just one illustration.
The Battle of Gettysburg was fought during the first three days of July 1863. During the night of July 4, Lee began to retreat southward while storm clouds deluged the country with rain. When Lee reached the Potomac with his defeated army, he found a swollen, impassable river in front of him, and a victorious Union Army behind him. Lee was in a trap. He couldn't escape. Lincoln saw that. Here was a golden, heaven-sent opportunity to capture Lee's army and end the war immediately. So, with a surge of high hope, Lincoln ordered Meade to attack Lee immediately. Lincoln telegraphed his orders and then sent a special messenger to Meade demanding immediate action.
And what did General Meade do? He did the very opposite. He hesitated. He procrastinated. He telegraphed all manner of excuses. He refused point-blank to attack Lee. Finally the waters receded and Lee escaped over the Potomac with his forces.
Lincoln was furious. In bitter disappointment, he wrote Meade this letter of great restraint:
My dear General,
I do not believe you appreciate the magnitude of the misfortune involved in Lee's escape. He was within our easy grasp, and to have closed upon him would, in connection with our other successes, have ended the war. As it is, the war will be prolonged indefinitely. If you could not safely attack Lee last Monday, how can you possibly do so south of the river, when you can take with you very few—no more than two-thirds of the force you then had in hand? It would be unreasonable to expect and I do not expect that you can now affect much. Your golden opportunity is gone, and I am distressed immeasurably because of it.
What do you suppose Meade did when he read the letter? He never saw that letter. Lincoln never mailed it. It was found among his papers after his death.
My guess is that after writing that letter, Lincoln looked out of the window and said to himself, "Just a minute. Maybe I ought not to be so hasty. It's easy for me to sit here in the quiet of the White House to order him to attack; but if I had been up at Gettysburg and if I had seen as much blood as Meade has seen during the last week, and if my ears had been pierced with the screams and shrieks of the wounded and dying, maybe I wouldn't be so anxious to attack either. Anyhow, it is water under the bridge now. If I send this letter, it will only arouse hard feelings and impair all his further usefulness as a commander."
Mark Twain lost his temper occasionally and wrote letters that turned the paper brown. For example, he once wrote to a man who had made him angry: "The thing for you is a burial permit. You have only to speak and I will see that you get it." On another occasion he wrote to an editor about a proofreader's attempts to "improve my spelling and pronunciation." He ordered: "Set the matter according to my copy hereafter and see that the proofreader retains his suggestions in the mush of his decayed brain."
The writing of these stinging letters made Mark Twain feel better. They allowed him to blow off steam, and the letters didn't do any real harm, because Mark's wife secretly lifted them out of the mail. They were never sent.
Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others, and a lot less dangerous. "Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof," said Confucius, "when your own doorstep is unclean." When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices, and motivated by pride and vanity.
Bitter criticism caused the sensitive Thomas Hardy, one of the finest novelists ever to enrich English literature, to give up forever the writing of fiction. Criticism drove Thomas Chatterton, the English poet, to suicide.
Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? "I will speak ill of no man," he said, "...and speak all the good I know of everybody."
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
"A great man shows his greatness," said Carlyle, "by the way he treats little men." Bob Hoover, a famous test pilot was returning to his home from an air show. At three hundred feet in the air, both engines suddenly stopped. By deft maneuvering he managed to land the plane, but it was badly damaged although nobody was hurt.
Hoover's first act after the emergency landing was to inspect the plane's fuel. Just as he had suspected, the mechanic had put in the wrong fuel.
Upon returning to the airport, Hoover asked to see the mechanic. The young man was sick with the agony of his mistake. Tears streamed down his face. He was anticipating the tongue-lashing that this proud and precise pilot would unleash for his carelessness. But Hoover didn't scold the mechanic; he didn't even criticize him. Instead, he put his big arm around the man's shoulder and said, "To show you that I'm sure you'll never do this again, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow."
Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them.
As Dr. Johnson said: "God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days." Why should you and I?
参考译文——与人打交道的基本原则
与人打交道的基本原则
戴尔·卡耐基
世界著名的心理学家B. F. 斯金纳，通过实验证明，动物在做了好事得到奖励的情况下，会比它在因犯错而受到惩罚的情况下学得更快，而且学到的东西保留得也更长久。后来的研究表明，这对人类也同样适用。批评通常是无用的，因为它通常促使人们为自己辩护，使人们想尽一切办法证明自己是有道理的。我们用批评的办法，很难永久地改变人或事。同时，批评往往还十分危险，因为它会伤害一个人的自尊，打击他的自信，从而激起他的愤怒。
1865年4月15日的早晨，就在亚伯拉罕·林肯躺在那里即将离世的时候，当时的作战部长斯坦顿说了一句话：“躺在这里的是世界上有史以来最懂得如何驾驭人的领导者。”
林肯和人打交道的成功秘诀是什么呢？我用了十年的时间研究他的一生。我相信我已经做到了任何其他人能做到的一切，对他这个人的个性和家庭生活进行了详细而彻底的研究。我特别研究了林肯与人打交道的艺术。他喜欢批评人吗？当然喜欢。他年轻的时候在印第安纳州就常常写信或作诗嘲弄别人。即使后来他在伊利诺伊州当律师时，他还仍旧会在报上发表公开信攻击他的对手们。但是有一次，他终于闯祸了。1842年，他在当地报纸上发表了一封信，里面嘲笑了一个名叫詹姆士·希尔兹的自负过高的政客。全城的人看了都大笑。敏感而又骄傲的希尔兹暴跳如雷。他打听到了写信的是谁，就跳上马，直奔林肯而去。他向林肯挑战，要和他决斗。武器由林肯挑。林肯因为手臂很长，就挑了骑士用的阔剑，而且请了一位西点军校毕业生教他。到了约定的那一天，他们来到密西西比河的一个沙洲上，准备决一死战。幸亏在最后关头，双方的助手干预了此事，阻止了这场决斗。
但是，这件事情给了林肯一个极其珍贵的教训。从那以后，他再也没有写过侮辱人的信，再也没嘲弄过别人。
在南北战争期间，林肯一次一次地任命一些新的将领率领波托马克军团，而每次那些将军都会犯一些极其可悲的错误，使得林肯绝望地在办公室里踱来踱去。全国半数的人都愤怒地谴责这些不称职的将军，但是“对任何人都不怨恨，对所有人都慈悲为怀”的林肯仍然保持缄默。他有一句经常引用的话是：“不要给人妄下断语，免得遭人妄加评论。”
然而，假如真的有人有理由批评别人的话，那就是林肯。这里我们只需举一个例子。
葛底斯堡战役是在1863年7月的头三天进行的。到了第四天的夜里，乌云密布，暴雨就要来临，李将军开始向南撤退。当李将军带着败兵到达波托马克河时，他发现眼前河水暴涨，渡河已不可能，而后面是得胜的联邦军队。李将军陷入绝境，他已无法逃脱。林肯看到了这一点。他知道这是抓住李将军的部队、一举结束战争的天赐良机。于是，他满怀希望，发电报给米德将军下令，同时还派遣特使前往要求立刻采取行动。
可是米德将军是怎么做的呢？他做得正好相反。他犹豫了。他拼命拖拉，发电报给林肯，提出了各种各样的借口。他直截了当地拒绝进攻李将军。最后，河水退去，李将军终于逃脱，带着他的部队安全越过了波托马克河。
林肯怒不可遏。他在极度失望中给米德写了一封行文非常克制的信：
我亲爱的将军：
我相信您不会懂得让李将军逃脱是多大的不幸。他已经落在我们的手中。如果当时紧紧将他包围，再加上其他的胜利，就有可能结束这场战争。而现在，这场战争将继续延长下去，不知何时才能终结。如果您上星期一都没把握进攻李，那您怎么可能在现在手头只有当时三分之二兵力的情况下，在河南岸再发动进攻？指望您这么做是没有理由的。我也不指望您现在能做些什么了。您的天赐良机已经失去了。为此，我感到非常沮丧。
你猜米德读了这封信会有什么反应？但是他根本没有看到这封信。林肯根本没有把这封信寄出去。这封信是在他去世后，从他的文件堆里发现的。
我估计，林肯写完信以后，望了望窗外，心里想：“等等，也许我不该匆忙下结论。我安坐在白宫里下命令叫他进攻是很容易，但假如我也在葛底斯堡，和米德将军一样见到过去这一周里那么多的流血，假如我的耳朵也充满了伤员和将死的士兵的尖叫声，也许我也不会那么急于进攻了。反正这件事已经过去了。假如我发出这封信，只会引起反感，使他不再能成为一名有用的指挥官。”
马克·吐温有时候也会发脾气，发脾气以后就写信，其愤怒的言辞往往能把信纸都烤焦了。比如，有一次，他给一个惹他生气的人写了一封信，说道：“你需要的是一张埋葬许可证。你只要说一声，我保证你能马上领到。”还有一次，他给一个编辑写了一封信，讲到一个校对员如何“试图纠正我的拼写和发音”。他给那个编辑下令说：“从现在起，就按照我的稿样排版。让那个校对员把改动我稿子的建议统统都留在他那一堆正在腐烂的脑浆里。”
写完这些挖苦人的信以后，马克·吐温感到痛快多了。它们让他出了气。而这些信其实也并没有给人造成伤害，因为他的夫人偷偷把它们从邮件里抽了出来，这些信根本就没有寄出去。
有什么人是你很想改变、调教或提高的吗？好的！这很好。我完全赞成。但是你为什么不从自己开始呢？自私地说，这比企图改造他人要有利得多，而且风险要小得多。孔子曾说过：“你自己家门口的雪还没有扫干净，就别埋怨别人屋顶上的了。”和人打交道的时候，千万要记住，我们不是在和有逻辑的动物打交道，而是在和有感情的动物打交道，他们会因为偏激而怒发冲冠，并且受骄傲和虚荣所驱动。
托马斯·哈代是一位对英国文学作出很大贡献的优秀小说家，可是尖刻的批评却使这位对批评十分敏感的作家不再写小说。批评甚至让英国诗人托马斯·查特顿自杀身亡。
本杰明·富兰克林年轻的时候也不懂圆通，但后来变得很有外交家风范，很善于与人交往，并因此被任命为美国驻法大使。他成功的秘密是什么呢？“我从不说别人坏话，”他说，“……我只说他们的优点。”
任何傻瓜都会批评、谴责和抱怨——绝大多数的傻瓜也就是这样做的。
但是要想理解别人、原谅别人，这就要求一个人有人品、有自制力。
卡莱尔说：“一个伟人的伟大，就看他如何对待小人物。”鲍勃·胡佛是一位著名的试飞员。有一天，他在空中表演结束后返航。突然，在飞机离地面300英尺的地方，两个发动机同时停了。靠着他高超的技术，他才将飞机降落，但是飞机遭到了严重损坏，虽然人没有受伤。
胡佛紧急着陆以后，立刻就去检查飞机的燃料。果然不出所料，机械师放错了燃料。
回到机场以后，他就要求见那位机械师。那个年轻人为了他犯的错误深感痛苦，泪流满面。他以为这位骄傲和严格的驾驶员肯定会为此严厉地斥责他，但是胡佛没有骂这位机械师，甚至都没有批评他。他只是搂着他的肩膀说：“为了表明我确信你永远不会再犯这种错误，我想让你明天为我的F-51飞机进行检修保养。”
所以，不要指责他人，还是让我们努力理解他们吧。
就如约翰逊博士所说：“先生，上帝自己都主张到人类最后的时候再对他们进行评判。”那你我为什么要过早评判他人呢？
Key Words:
effectively [i'fektivli]
adv. 事实上，有效地
strive [straiv]
vi. 奋斗，努力，力求
technique [tek'ni:k]
n. 技术，技巧，技能
pride [praid]
n. 自豪，骄傲，引以自豪的东西，自尊心
resentment [ri'zentmənt]
n. 怨恨，愤恨
ruler ['ru:lə]
n. 尺子，划线板
n. 统治者，支配者
psychologist [sai'kɔlədʒist]
n. 心理学家
retain [ri'tein]
vt. 保持，保留; 记住
futile ['fju:tail]
adj. 无效的，无用的
justify ['dʒʌstifai]
vt. 替 ... 辩护，证明 ... 正当
detailed [di'teild]
adj. 详细的
dealing ['di:liŋ]
n. 经营方法，行为态度
(复数）dealin
indulge [in'dʌldʒ]
vt. 纵情于，放任，迁就
vi. 放纵自己于
sensitive ['sensitiv]
adj. 敏感的，灵敏的，易受伤害的，感光的，善解人意的
duel ['dju:əl]
n. 决斗，斗争 v. 决斗，斗争
exhaustive [ig'zɔ:stiv]
adj. 无遗漏的，彻底的，详尽的
vain [vein]
adj. 徒劳的，无效的，自负的，虚荣的
indignation [.indig'neiʃən]
n. 愤怒，愤慨，义愤
politician [.pɔli'tiʃən]
n. 政治家，政客
interrupted [intə'rʌptid]
adj. 中断的；被打断的；不规则的 vt. 打断；中断
invaluable [in'væljuəbl]
adj. 无价的
illustration [i.ləs'treiʃən]
n. 插图，例证，说明，图解
surge [sə:dʒ]
n. 汹涌，澎湃
v. 汹涌，涌起，暴涨
ridicule ['ridikju:l]
n. 嘲笑，愚弄，笑柄 v. 嘲笑，嘲弄，愚弄
opportunity [.ɔpə'tju:niti]
n. 机会，时机
demanding [di'mændiŋ]
adj. 要求多的，吃力的
capture ['kæptʃə]
vt. 捕获，俘获，夺取，占领，迷住，(用照片等)留存<
charity ['tʃæriti]
n. 慈善，慈善机关(团体), 仁慈，宽厚
trap [træp]
n. 圈套，陷阱，困境，双轮轻便马车
incompetent [in'kɔmpitənt]
adj. 无能力的，不称职的，不能胜任的 n. 没有能力
opportunity [.ɔpə'tju:niti]
n. 机会，时机
misfortune [mis'fɔ:tʃən]
n. 不幸，灾祸
escape [is'keip]
v. 逃跑，逃脱，避开
n. 逃跑，逃脱，(逃
appreciate [ə'pri:ʃieit]
vt. 欣赏，感激，赏识
vt. 领会，充分意
restraint [ri'streint]
n. 抑制，克制，束缚
unreasonable [ʌn'ri:znəbl]
adj. 不合理的，过度的，不切实际的
disappointment [.disə'pɔintmənt]
n. 失望，令人失望的人或事
magnitude ['mægnitju:d]
n. 大小，重要，光度，（地震）级数，（星星）等级
affect [ə'fekt]
vt. 影响，作用，感动
pronunciation [prə.nʌnsi'eiʃən]
n. 发音
occasionally [ə'keiʒənəli]
adv. 偶尔地
commander [kə'mɑ:ndə]
n. 司令官，指挥官
hasty ['heisti]
adj. 匆匆的，轻率的，急忙的
permit ['pə:mit,pə'mit]
n. 许可证，执照
v. 允许，许可
arouse [ə'rauz]
vt. 唤醒，叫醒，激起
vi. 醒来
impair [im'pɛə]
vt. 损害，削弱
[计算机] 损伤
temper ['tempə]
n. 脾气，性情
vt. 使缓和，调和
burial ['beriəl]
n. 埋葬，葬礼，坟墓
sensitive ['sensitiv]
adj. 敏感的，灵敏的，易受伤害的，感光的，善解人意的
regulate ['regju.leit,'regjuleit]
vt. 管理，调整，控制
dealing ['di:liŋ]
n. 经营方法，行为态度
(复数）dealin
motivated ['məutiveitid]
adj. 有动机的；有积极性的 v. 使产生动机；激发…
pride [praid]
n. 自豪，骄傲，引以自豪的东西，自尊心
fiction ['fikʃən]
n. 虚构，杜撰，小说
logic ['lɔdʒik]
n. 逻辑，逻辑学，条理性，推理
vanity ['væniti]
n. 虚荣心，浮华，自负，无价值的东西
complain [kəm'plein]
vi. 抱怨，悲叹，控诉
enrich [in'ritʃ]
vt. 使富足，使肥沃，添加元素
understand [.ʌndə'stænd]
vt. 理解，懂，听说，获悉，将 ... 理解为，认为<
complain [kəm'plein]
vi. 抱怨，悲叹，控诉
inspect [in'spekt]
vt. 调查，检阅
vi. 调查
shoulder ['ʃəuldə]
n. 肩膀，肩部
v. 扛，肩负，承担，(用肩
criticize ['kritisaiz]
vt. 批评，吹毛求疵，非难
vi. 批评
mechanic [mi'kænik]
adj. 手工的
n. 技工，机修工
precise [pri'sais]
adj. 精确的，准确的，严格的，恰好的
unleash ['ʌn'li:ʃ]
v. 解开 ... 的皮带，解除 ... 的束缚，解放
carelessness ['kɛəlisnis]
n. 粗心
deft [deft]
adj. 敏捷熟练的，灵巧的
参考资料：
- 现代大学英语精读(第2版)第二册:U12A A Fundamental Technique in Handling People(1)_大学教材听力 - 可可英语
- 现代大学英语精读(第2版)第二册:U12A A Fundamental Technique in Handling People(2)_大学教材听力 - 可可英语
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